reakups. One of the most painful experiences we go through. We all know the feeling. It’s the pain of the life you thought you knew slipping away. I know a heartbreak all too well.
For privacy purposes, we will name this most recent boy London.
London and I had a long-distance relationship. He was across the world in England and I was here in America. We quickly realized that we wanted to make it work. I started saving money for him to move to America, while he started looking at apartments, as well as other women. The relationship ended when I found out he cheated on me several times in one weekend. He blamed the ketamine… I blamed myself.
About two weeks into self-quarantine, (around a month after the initial break up), I was having my nightly Sex and the City binge. An Instagram ad popped up for the phone case London had. As these phone cases were not popular in America, I tried to brush it off as an unfortunate coincidence, but then the worst happened: our song started playing in the background. As “Try a Little Tenderness” went on, I thought to myself, “What kind of sick joke is the universe playing here?” I didn’t know what to feel. At that moment, my mind went somewhere I hated, “What if this is a sign we will get back together?” I was trapped in my room and my head with no way to escape.
When we go through a breakup, we tend to hyper focus on the wonderful times we had. We think about the positive impact the relationship had and try to figure out how something so perfect, could have gone so wrong.
The hurt was overwhelming and painful; it came in waves. One day I thought, “you’re so over him.” But then something as simple as a phone case, could bring me right back to square one. Emotions are messy and unpredictable, just like breakups. Getting over heartbreak was emotionally grueling in my old reality, but my new one? Almost impossible.
We often try distracting ourselves from these excruciating emotions, but why? My mom once told me, “The body never does anything to hurt itself.” For example, throwing up. No one enjoys throwing up, but after we do, we tend to feel so much better. If we don’t hold back from physically throwing up, why do we hold back from emotionally throwing up? Instead of telling yourself, “you’re fine and you’ve moved on”, accept that you’re not always going to be fine or ready to move on.
After you’ve admitted you’re not ok, the next step is helping yourself get better. This is not an easy process. This takes time and patience with yourself. You don’t break your leg and expect yourself to be running marathons in a week, so why expect anything more from your heart?
Try to do things you wanted to do for yourself while you were in the relationship, but never got around to doing. Connect emotionally and physically with yourself again. Quarantine is the perfect time to do these things. We’re no longer offered the “luxury” of random dates and outings with the girls. Make yourself a cup of coffee and read that book you haven’t got around to. Start doing yoga or even baking that cake you’ve been thinking about. Now is the time to explore what brings you joy, without worrying about someone else’s opinion.
At the end of the day, relationships come and go and one day quarantine will too. The most important relationship you will ever have, is the one with yourself. Holding onto toxic emotions only hurts you in the long run. Take this time to learn to love yourself again and remind yourself that you are MORE than enough.
